Ten Things I Hate About Children

1. They take over the television, insist on watching cartoons or horrid Disney shows. Or worse, really bad shows (or TERRIBLE DVDs that I may or may not have hidden due to brain bleeding last time they made me sit through it).

2. They always wanna know "WHATCHA DOIN?" "None of your business ya little creep, now get out of my room."

3. They're the only human beings immune to my stare of death. They know no fear.

4. They're needy. "I'm hungry, I'm bored, I'm thirsty, I just ate but I wanna be a fatass and have a snack..." etc. STFU.

5. They're LOUD AS HELL when playing with one another but then they get all quiet and mumbly and shy when talking to adults. I CAN'T HEAR WHAT YOU'RE FUCKING SAYING YOU'RE TWO FEET OFF THE GROUND AND I'M WAYYYY UP HERE.

6. They're incapable of SITTING THE FUCK DOWN. Unless they're shoveling food into their dirty mouths.

7. Peronal space. They don't understand it.

8. They make a mess of EVERYTHING.

9. No fucking privacy.

10. You can't complain about them because their parents will get all huffy and feelings will be hurt and OH MY GOD I'M NOT THE ONE WHO POPPED SIX KIDS OUT OF MY VAG TAKE CARE OF YOUR OWN DAMN CHILDREN JESUS H CHRIST.

Never shall I ever be a mother. Can I donate all my eggs, please? I don't need them.